Gayest...Story...Ever

Some people just don't believe that there is any sort of gay relationship between Superboy and Mon-El. To those scoffers, I present this nostalgic look at the story that introduced Mon-El: "Superboy's Big Brother" in Superboy #89 in June 1961.

WARNING: This story was very, very gay; this discussion will get fairly explicit. If that bothers you, leave now.

The action starts as soon as Mon-El lands.

ABOVE: With Mon unconscious, Kal can't resist sticking his hands in Mon's pockets.

ABOVE: Kal uses his x-ray vision to look under Mon's clothes.

ABOVE: As Mon awakes, Kal takes his hand.

ABOVE: Mon uses the old "I was so drunk last night, I don't remember what we did" ploy. Kal plays along.

ABOVE: Kal realizes how hot Mon is.

ABOVE: Kal can't keep his hands off Mon. Can you blame him?

ABOVE: Kal enjoys having Mon enter his secret tunnel, which helps Kal to come. (I am not making this up, that's what it says.)

ABOVE: Mon keeps pointing to his mouth, hoping Kal will take the hint and give him a kiss.

ABOVE: Kal can't wait to take Mon to meet Mom and Dad. The boys finish up what they were doing in the basement, and Kal puts his clothes on.

ABOVE: The sight of all that meat hanging there reminds Kal of Mon, and inspires Kal to demonstrate how well he can blow. (That's what happens, I can't help it.)

ABOVE: Kryptonian Eye for the Daxamite Guy: Kal gets Mon some cool clothes and dresses him up. Even "Daddy" Kent falls under Mon's spell and can't resist undressing him.

ABOVE: Hey, Mon, let me teach you about the earth custom called "doggy style."

ABOVE: Getting ready for bed, Mon undresses while Kal sneaks a closer peek. (It's right there on the page.)

ABOVE: "An hour later, when Mon-El falls asleep..." Wonder what went on during that hour? (I am not making this up.)

ABOVE: Kal has a great new toy that the boys can play with in bed. Sure, it involves a little pain, but that can be fun when you're invulnerable. The safe word is "Serum XY-4."

ABOVE: Mon feels great after a "wonderful" night. Kal hangs around outside the bathroom while Mon's in there; Mon leaves the door open. I've seen porn videos that start out this way....

ABOVE: Mon bends over in front of Kal...who takes full advantage of the situation.

ABOVE: Mon suggests a three-way with Kal and Lana, but Kal is in no mood to share.

ABOVE: Mon can't wait to strip and have another go at Kal's secret tunnel. (I swear, I am not making this up.)

ABOVE: Won't Mon be surprised when Kal's balls land on him?

ABOVE: Is that a petrified tree trunk, or is Kal just glad to see Mon? And isn't it sweet how Mon is concerned that both boys "arrive" at the same time?

ABOVE: "Send me to the Phantom Zone" is Daxamite slang for a truly amazing sex act that humans are unable to perform.

ABOVE: Mon's huge, hard "bat" makes contact with one of Kal's balls. Both boys are enjoying this. Fun fact: This scene is from the comic's first page, aka the "splash" page. Uh-huh.

ABOVE: Now it's Kal's turn to swing his hard, long pole around while Mon admires the enormous package.

ABOVE: Two big, long tubes with huge, swollen heads spring up.

ABOVE: First Kal wants to talk about how the boys could jack the monster, but then he has a better idea: "You take one head! I'll take the other!"

ABOVE: Two giant, swollen heads erupt, spurting hot stuff all over the two boys. (I..am...NOT...making...this...up.)

Fun fact: this...er...climactic scene so impressed the creative team that they put it on the comic's cover.

ABOVE: Mon is having great fun as he strokes one of the heads and it "explodes." Meanwhile, Kal sees some balls that catch his interest.

ABOVE: Ever the considerate lover, Mon wants Kal to finish first.

ABOVE: As the boys are in the shower together, Kal's huge balls make Mon choke. Mon is so overwhelmed that he can hardly move. (I'm NOT making it up! That's what HAPPENS.)

ABOVE: After all the excitement, Kal tenderly cradles Mon in his arms.

ABOVE: Kal gets another toy so that he and Mon can role-play being prisoners together.

ABOVE: Unfortunately, when all is said and done, Kal is a slut as well as a tease. Once he's done with his one-night trick, he never wants to see or hear from Mon again. Kal's already looking forward to the next super-powered boy to blow into town...